Abu Dhabi - Is the Honeymoon Phase Over?

          Depending on what expert you speak to on the buzz term "culture shock" there are a number of phases that individuals go through after moving to a new country and immersing themselves into a new culture.  The first phase is of course, the honey moon phase, where the differences between the old and new culture are seen in a romantic light.  For example, the interesting food, pace of life, and a myriad of other fascinating details that ignite curiosity.  But it is called a phase for a reason, because sadly, it eventually ends.
          The second phase is called the negotiation phase (or the real culture shock phase), experts put this phase at an average of three months give or take based on the individual.  The differences are not as fascinating as they once were and the negative differences start to emerge that begin to create a disconnection from the surroundings.  This can range from differences in hygiene, food quality and customer service.  This phase tends to bring about a lot of anxiety that slowly is resolved over time.  For me when I have been here, you just want things to make sense in the worst way.  And you start to lose the desire to try anymore, you just want people to understand you.
        If I had to make one observation that brings about anxiety at times I would have to say it is around customer service.  It is the glaring difference I have seen while integrating into the culture here.  In the states when things go wrong, typically the company bends over backwards to make it right.  Mostly because they know we as the consumer have a lot of options of retaliation that will end up being unpleasant (law suits, bad twitter comments, reporting to the BBB, etc).  However if something similar in nature happens here, the best you get typically is "I'm sorry".  It becomes frustrating when for example you order something and get the opposite, bring it to the attention of the waiter to get the classic "I'm sorry", and understand that you will still be eating what is in front of you, unless you would like to pay to try again.

The Grand Mosque, Abu Dhabi

Inner Area Before Entering
The Grand Mosque

          One thing I learned about this particular scenario is that when you are giving instructions and you ask the other person if they understand and you get the response "yes yes yes" that roughly translates into "I have no clue what you are saying to me, so my default response is the word yes".  I have narrowed this issue down in cases revolving around the service industry because when someone comes here from somewhere else in the world for a service job, they are given a very specific set of instructions about their job function from their superior.  If you approach someone in this situation you will find that if you ask for something outside of this sandbox of instructions, they seem to have a short circuit.  Also when you ask outside the box questions there is usually no chance they will be helping you because there is too much risk on their side for doing something they were not told to do, even if it is common sense.    

Inside the Grand Mosque

Pool Outside the Grand Mosque

          I had a somewhat related issue at a local restaurant that serves Arabic food, where no matter what word I said on the menu I would get a lamb sandwich.  I asked for a Falafel wrap one day.  What did I get?  a lamb sandwich.  Another day I asked for a chicken garlic sandwich (called Shish Taouk), take a guess what I got... a lamb sandwich.  I never really figured out why I kept getting lamb sandwiches since Falafel and chicken sounds nothing like the word lamb, but there ya go.  I told the story at work and it is a classic now.  I was "the lamb sandwich guy" for a while (again retelling it to friends makes you realize how funny it actually is that it happened to you).  

Sarah Feeding Elephants

My New Monkey Friend

          The third phase is the adjustment period which averages six to twelve months again depending on the person.  Where routines are developed and the person knows what to do now in most situations.  The culture begins to make sense and therefore the individual begins to accept the cultures ways.  In my experience his is the phase where I can begin to laugh at the funny clashes I have had and how they have made for great stories.  It is easier to deal with any left over struggles because you have friends to rely on who have had similar experiences and enough routine to feel somewhat normal.  I have taken up the sport of squash which is kind of like racket ball with a smaller court, more rules, and a ball that dies very soon after it hits the ground.  I have a league of gentlemen I play with on Fridays and I am slowly climbing the ranks.  The sport of squash is very cardio intense and reliant on not just power of the shot but major strategy based on

U.S. vs Germany
In the Fairmont Football Tent

the location of your opponent.  I taught Sarah how to play as well.  Other than adopting squash we have also latched onto the world cup which as most know is popular in most of the world apart from the states.  But the U.S. is still in it so go U.S.!
          The final phase is that of mastery, where the person is able to participate fully and comfortably in the host culture.  This could also be considered the time where you accept the culture and the culture in turn accepts you.  I am not sure I have ever been able to completely reach this phase, I was close during my time in Ghana, but even there I still think I had so much to learn and adapt to.  We plan on living in Abu Dhabi much longer so perhaps I have a chance to complete the cycle here.
          The outcomes vary based on the person and based on what phase they stop at because of choice or a decision to leave the host country.  But basically you either find it impossible to adapt and reject the host culture, fully integrate yourself by accepting the local culture (called cultural assimilation) or you accept what you see as positive while holding on to many of your own aspects of culture (a unique blend).  The last category usually has no problem moving home or relocating elsewhere.

Qasr Al Sarab Library
(Basically a scene
from The Mummy)

          As for my own personal assessment, I would say I am still hanging on the edge of the honeymoon phase.  I have had my frustrations, but not to the extent that I would say I have a major issue with my surroundings.  My wife Sarah has noticed my tension level rising on some occasions, but my own internal sense of my surroundings is still very positive.  It all boils down to the fact that we are experiencing a life that so few will ever get the chance to.  That mixed with the fact that we are at the center of the world for travel, I can't even begin to explain how amazing that has already been.  I know eventually I will move to the next phase, but I can't stress enough how important it is to laugh about the things that happen to you.  You will not survive if you do not develop a sense of humor.  Plus (as mentioned my previous post) you get so many great stories from these situations and it is all about putting a positive spin on things.  Remember: a smile is universal in all cultures, so use it.  If you think about it,

Balcony at Qasr Al Sarab

Desert

the person or culture you are struggling with may have just as much struggle trying to help you.  But again the cultural curve is different for everyone so take the process a grain of salt, its possible to go in and out of various phases for a while also.
          So thus far into our journey we have made many changes that show we are ready to settle here for the long term (we even added a member to our family: Maxim or Max, See video above).  The last month or so has been spent enjoying our new home country.  We visited the Emirates zoo with Leo and his family.  Where we fed elephants and giraffes.  I would like to call out that this is one of the times where differences in culture worked in our favor.  I even shook hands with a monkey, something that would take much more effort in the states.  We also were able to feed monkeys, giraffes and elephants.  One elephant feeding ticket gets you a giant bucket of bananas which they eat whole, I'm not sure why I was surprised at that but I was.

The Desert

Post "Dune Bashing"
(You can tell I look sick)

          We toured the Grand Mosque with some friends as well, a Mosque initiated by the late president of the U.A.E., Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nayhan who's final resting place is also on the grounds.  It is a magnificent site and a must see if you ever find yourself in Abu Dhabi.  You have to dress up for the site and all women entering the site must cover everything but their face including their hair as well.  Sarah had her first experience wearing a Hijab (head covering) and an Abaya (cloak or dress covering the body) that they loan out to women visiting the Grand Mosque.

Desert Sunset

          We also booked a nice catamaran cruise out to an island off the coast that only appears during low tide.  It was a wonderful trip to enjoy before the beginning of Ramadan.  For those not privy to the month of Ramadan, it is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar where Muslims worldwide observe this as a month of fasting.  Ramadan translated from Arabic loosely means extreme heat or dryness and is the most holy month of the year in Islam.  I have decided to join in the fast as a way of integrating myself into the culture.  I am on day three of the fast and let me say it is very difficult.  While fasting you basically cannot put anything in your mouth (including water) from dawn until sunset.  You can actually get in trouble with the police if you are caught eating, drinking or smoking in public during these hours.  I usually start struggling around three o'clock, thankfully Ramadan working hours are from nine in the morning until three in the afternoon.  So I have been taking naps during the fast when needed.  Fasting is always regarded as holy (in many religions) but during this month the rewards are believed to be multiplied.  At the end of the month the fasting is broken by the holiday of Eid (Eed) Al Fitr which is kind of like the Christmas for Islam.  This is determined every year when the crescent moon is sighted (Ramadan begins with the crescent moon as well).  I cannot believe how much my senses are up without being weighed down by food.  I will say I can understand why you get in trouble for eating in public, when I am around food or smell it before the fast is over for the day, its just a horrible feeling.  It is just mean to do to someone who is fasting, so its more of a respect thing really.

           Apart from gaining cultural knowledge from fasting during Ramadan Sarah and I also stayed at Qasr Al Sarab last weekend, which is a very nice hotel staged in the middle of the desert.  Its about two hours from Abu Dhabi and let me just say it is the real desert.  This place is what in my ignorance, I expected to see when we first arrived in the U.A.E., but alas all I saw were tall buildings all around me.  This place had the legit sand dunes as far as the eye could see and the heat to go with it.  It was close to 50 degrees Celsius which is about 122 degrees Fahrenheit.  The resort is themed around the traditional Arabic culture and is located in the largest uninterrupted sand mass in the world.  We were fortunate enough to be upgraded to a king terrace where we could look out into the desert.  While there we enjoyed "dune bashing", I'm sure all the Michiganders know what this is (My home state of Michigan has great sand dunes for bashing too), but for all others, it is where you off road vehicles up and down the angles of the dunes almost like a roller coaster ride.  It was fun, but I think I ate too many dates before hand because I got sick about halfway through.  The trip ended with a picnic in the middle of the desert to watch the sunset.  I didn't tell Sarah, but I had the theme song to the movie The Mummy playing in my head pretty much during the entire trip...it was awesome.

Dates at the Resort

          We also enjoyed the local cuisine.  Dates and Arabic coffee were always free (which is probably why I ate too many) to encourage everyone to try the staple of the region (dates are also typically used to break the fast at sunset during Ramadan as a quick sugar boost before chowing down).  What is so surprising to me is I typically can't stand the taste of coffee (I drink tea), but I love Arabic coffee.  Sarah says it is because it has so many spices in it (rose water, saffron and cardamom).  But let me tell you, a small cup of Arabic coffee gives quite a kick.
          During our stay I noticed a rather large sand dune off our balcony that I insisted I must climb before we left (we only stayed one night, the sand dune it on the far right in the balcony video).  Sarah and I set out

Catamaran Cruise on the Arabian Gulf

the day we were leaving to climb the dune with a bottle of water each.  Sarah ended up stopping at the beginning, but I kept on as I was determined to reach the top (archaeology nerd fact: all sand dunes form at 33-34 degree angles also called The angle of repose, see my video below for full details).  I can honestly say after that experience that I can see how easy it would be to die in the desert.  That scorching heat does funny things to your body, making you dizzy and disoriented.  You also get very fatigued before you begin to realize it and the water loss from your body is extensive.  After I made it to the top I stumbled down, drank about a gallon of water at the hotel and Sarah and I went off for a nap.  Following our nap we had a swim in the pool with some sangria and beer before we had to leave our desert oasis and head back to our home in Abu Dhabi.  At home we greeted our guard kitty Max at the door who was eagerly awaiting our return (he's more like a dog than a cat).
 So is the honeymoon phase over?  I say no I do not think so.  I love Abu Dhabi, its rich culture and all the other cultures who have clustered here in this city to make it a great place to live.  In a place where there are more than 200 countries represented, you cant help but expect some clash.  However when you think about the richness in culture all gathered in one place, what a unique and amazing experience.  How many other places in the world have something like this?  Currently the team (Soumya, Azhar & Vishwanath) I am working with is off shore in Bangalore, India, this is just one of the many great cultural experiences I am enjoying at the moment.  They have already made a business trip here to Abu Dhabi with their families and it has been a pleasure to spend time with them and their families.

The Offshore Team and I
Enjoying the Indian Dish
called Thali

          With all of this in mind how can you help but smile and marvel at the fact that you are a part of this great adventure.  So with an open mind, a positive attitude charged with a smile, take it all in and let it all happen to you.  Adjusting to a new culture is a once in a lifetime experience and one I hope everyone can go through at some point in their lives, in my experience these are the times when you learn the most about yourself when learning about other people and their unique cultural backgrounds.  It's alright to be the misfit, in fact I would so bold as to say its downright awesome.